Running fast

"You can hide the pain you feel, and make others believe that you can move on. But you can never deny the truth to yourself, that the person who has failed you and hurt you, is still the one person you will always choose to love" - Anonymous

Be able to jump. And when you're ready to take that leap, don't run away from something that you deserve.

You know

"I wont sit here plotting ways to help you, love you or even associate myself with you anymore because the truth of the matter is actually quite simple: Even perfection isn't good enough for you."
You are just so right. So, so right.

Anyways..
You, being the one person that I just can't get enough of deserve to know how much I adore you. But don't worry, me telling you is futile because I know, that I will find something small and stupid to hate about you. And after that I will probably get sick of you and push you aside just with all of the others, because I will just never be good enough for you. So cherish my adoration while it lasts, it takes something 'really real' to tie me down.

Good luck

Be better

"For when there is a question as to whether a man is good, one does not ask what he believes, or what he hopes, but what he loves.” He pushes us at a crucial point: true discipleship is not a matter of having the right ideas in my head, but of having a heart that loves God and loves what God loves."
...
"The college years are critical years as so much of who you will be, what you will believe, and how you will live for the rest of life, is being shaped. For you who are serious about God and the worldview that grows out of the word of God, listen and learn to the saints who have gone before you. And above all, make sure that your every experience as a student — every class you take, every book you read, every friend you make — serves to deepen your love for what God loves. That is what the college years are really all about."

http://www.boundless.org/1999/features/a0000021.html

I am almost certain that I know I have to change things. I have to surround myself with better people and fix things inside to be a better person. I refuse to be complacent with my life because I'm not lazy and I because I want better.

Okay

Remember when we took the subway to Union Station only to wait an hour in the hot sun? Remember when we got home at 1 and my dad had to drive you home? Remember that night when you felt the exact same way that I did?

I have become so helpless that the only thing, whether it be smart or not, is to give it up. There is nothing else that I can do to change your mind. And besides, why would I want you to do that? Those are feelings only based on pity and forced love. There's no such thing as forced love, that's not love, it's called pity. I hate pity.

But I know that even if I could change your mind, things would have worked out the way I wanted them to, not yours. And if I forced you to love me, the only thing I would feel was embarrassment. I like your love the way it is and I trust you enough to make the right decisions. Because I know what you have is better than what I could ever give and I AM willing to wait for that.

I know you're good where you are. I won't pretend not to care anymore, it's too hard.

D

Slacking off..

Don't you dare pretend like you don't know. You miss it just as much as I do. I know, because I you used to tell me, "I miss you." I feel the same..

Too much love

"Harmonizing the heart and brain through love is what can establish a complete intelligence, a complete self, where a child can look at life and realize there are no dead ends, there are always possibilities. The greatest gift a parent can give a child during all the ups and downs of life is love."-- Doc Childre

9:31 PM me: im sorry that you worry about me, but i have to tell you about these things you know
9:35 PM Loida: i do not mind hearing them and i am glad that you are telling me all this but it is hard because i can not fight for you. i know you don't want me to fight for you but i want to yank her hair until it is all gone. i think you have to learn to give it up when it is not working b4 it is too late in the future. i know you are inexperienced right now but i sure hope that you are picking up fast for your sake. don't need for you to be mad all the time, it is not you at all. I love you too much it hurts to hear you not happy.
9:37 PM me: i know
9:45 PM me: mommy i miss you soo much
9:47 PM Loida: i miss you too. did you feel it i just gave you a big hug!

Some quotes just do it for me. Aside from sacrifice and selfless giving, it's true: a parent's love is just enough. My roommate says that when I'm on the phone she never knows who I'm talking to: my mom, or my friend. Both I told her. And then she gave one of those weird looks that she always does implying that what I just said was ludicrous. I've accepted the fact that she's weird too though, very weird. So I guess that means we're even. However, she always likes to outshine me!

Too much, too much