Because.

I will never be ready to lose it completely

It's just like that.

"Besides, what's a few miles in the face of our friendship."- DL

I've gotten to the point where I just know. You know, it's that place, of complacency. Not in a bad way, but I'm satisfied with what I have. Not only because I know what I have is good, but it's because it's the best for me. I know that I have those good people around me, supporting me, and helping me be better. And I'm satisfied for once.
I'm sure soon, very soon, I will be challenged. But I'm okay with that because I know that I can only go up once I'm down. And because I've got to be tested in order to truly believe in myself.

And I'm joyful. Not happy, but joyful!

Try

Somebody once said "making different choices gives you the opportunity to live a different life". And maybe if I didn't choose to be friendly, she would have been more selfish.
And maybe if I wasn't so needy we would still have each other.
And maybe if I gave more, instead of receiving, or loved more instead of hating, or being that, instead of being this, things would have worked out they way I wanted them too. And then I remember that it's not about me, but it's about you. I keep forgetting that.

So, I'm recognizing the choice I'm given and I'm going to take it.

It’s not about what you were, its about who you will become. It isn’t about what you want to be, but more so about what you’ll do when you get there. But you just have to keep pushing until you get there. And you will get there. You will.