2 in 1

Pt I: Memories
I was on the 117 today minding my own until I saw you. And when I saw him I couldn't help but be happy because I thought you were gone forever. But God and his goodness, gave me one more chance to say goodbye because he knows how much I miss him and how much I need him to know that I love him and care about him. I know that you loved us and thought of us as your own because that's what you told others. I just really miss you. It's hard not knowing that you're not here. I haven't heard anything back from you but please God just this one favour.

Pt II: It is what it is, but it ended as a soap opera.

I’m sorry I couldn’t stop crying, but I care too much about you.

And it’s just so hard now because I know what we had was real, and just as I had imagined them to be: the feelings were genuine and mutual and romantic and just everything good.

I’m almost certain that what happened was one of the most adult things I’ve done since I have been here. It was the hardest, and like God tells his children, he does things that we may not understand. Regardless of if I understand or not, I will try not to be selfish and think of myself. I’m going to try my best to see the best out of this sad situation. And I will grow, and so will you, and we will learn new things—although not together.

It's so crazy how things change in the matter of a few days.

Please, if you can

I remember praying in that hospital room and asking for your will. I remember pleading with you for one more chance at life and I recall crying so much that I couldn’t pray out loud, so I prayed in my heart instead.
Like always, I received your will, not mine. I knew you had power to do the unthinkable: a miracle, but he slipped away, just as it was to happen.
And now I’m sad because he isn’t here anymore and I am. He’s supposed to be here. He was supposed to be here until I was gone because that’s how it all went in my head.

Once again, it’s your will and not mine. However, until I understand what happened I need to be sad for a bit. I’ll try my best to take comfort in knowing that you know best and have chosen to follow through with your will.

You are just so good to me through all of this. You have provided me with comfort in my friends and family, and I am so grateful for that. Thank you. But please God, take care of him. And if there is any chance that you change your mind, let me know.

Beginning

I know that I have to jump. But before I do, I just want to make sure that things are as they should be. I need to make sure that feelings are left behind and rationality has taken its place.
Aside from all of the other things that I thought I would know about university prior to arriving here, one of the most thrilling things is knowing is that you are able to start fresh. I think at the beginning I felt more a fear of not being the same person that I was in high school. But I have come realize that its okay. I've learned that sometimes you have to go with it, and just be yourself in the hopes that someone else will be okay with you. And I'm really happy that I have found people that are, and someone that is okay with that.



"To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead."
-Bertrand Russell