You got it babe

The worst feeling in life is knowing that you didn't give every thing your all. I can say that as a fact. I can see myself in 10 years looking back on my life wishing I had done things better or worked harder. However, life shouldn't be about regret. One important aspect of life is knowing that the time you spent on earth was worth while and meaningful.
Everyone has done it. Everyone has had those moments when they looked back on the decisions they've made and wondered if they really were right; whether that be for a moment in time or for the future. You think to yourself, "Is this really what I want?" or "Is this really what's best?" I thought the same thing on April 13th when I almost made a decision that I knew I would have regret forever.
And its amazing because all this time I thought that the decisions I would have to make would be made on my own. But a relationship that is adamant on pursuing growth and learning and loving requires decisions to be made together, it's anything but a one-person thing. In the past few months I have done that. I've met someone who I have grown with and learned with and shared things with (I'm getting to the other part :)). I'm very happy. So happy that I'm sitting here typing this composed blogg when really all I want to do is sit here and smile in bliss. But I hope that regardless of the doubt that we all may live with, just take comfort in knowing that it's already taken care of and you will be fine, just fine.

Ice-cream and cookies

I'm not a chooser. I do not enjoy having to choose between two things that are good. I would rather have to choose between liver and lasagna. It's like choosing between Mrs. Fields chocolate chocolate cookies and chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. If I had it my way, I'd scoop the ice cream and have a bit of Mrs. Fields on top you know, to satisfy all 3 of us.
That's exactly who I've become. Exactly.
I remember vowing to myself, to never ever become that person. And now I'm stuck in a rut. I'm pretty sure if I decided to remove all of the cookie dough from the ice cream it wouldn't seem as appealing, it'd just be vanilla. And I'm sure that if Mrs. Fields cookies weren't as moist and scrumptious they'd taste the same as all of those other boxed cookies. But I can't do that, and I won't pick and choose.


You are who you are. I am who I am. You are who you are.
--------------------- I am who I am. ---------------------

That's what it's looking like right now..

Endgame

Recently, I've been learning how to be me, with you and with her and with him, and them and him and her. What prompted this was the end of the school year. As sad as it is, we all know that the closer you get to the end, the more everything is packed with meaning.

Still, I remember the last time I talked to you, and told you I would see you when I got back. So clearly, I remember you driving me an hour to go to your favourite Mandarin restaurant even though it was on a school night. I remember that whenever we went to Harvey's you ordered an original Hamburger with onions and tomatoes, a senior coffee and a side order of milk, and you used to spill it all over the table. Then me, Leah and grandma would make smart comments about your smart mouth and how we didn't want sugar on what you called "fish cakes" even though they were obviously "potato pancakes."I remember every Christmas and every birthday and what was inside every envelope that you gave me marked Miss Dani Grant from Alvin Hoops. I remember you only feasting on potatoes every Christmas and I remember when I told you to stop smoking because it was bad for you. And after that, I remember grandma putting that red sticky on her door that said no smoking even though you'd already quit. I remember being proud of you for doing that even though you'd sit outside with Uncle Brian say "I've just come outside to smell the smoke, not to smoke the smoke. I promise." I remember every one of your grunts and laughs and that yucky handkerchief that you kept in your pocket. I remember. I remember everything and every moment, and I will remember and I choose not to forget even though the end came, and became the endgame.

So the end is not the end, its just a pause, or a semicolon, or a way for me not to forget, but for me to always remember.

Fairy Tales

"But I want you to know, even when things are at its worst between us, please don't give up on what we have."

These days it seems like it came straight from the big screen.

Whatever you say Danny Boy.